What a friendship to me?

Assalamualaikum dears,

It's been 10 days since the last post. I came here everyday, but I didn't have time to scratch a word here..

I m feeling lonely.. I hardly try not to think about it bcoz I don't want to ruin my heart anymore. But, I m a human, someone who has emotional and feeling.

These days, I feel like I do not have anyone around me,but actually there are a lot of people around me. 

Yes, there r many people, but I m afraid of them. I don't want they hurt my feeling anymore. I think my heart is too fragile when it comes to friendship.

I scrolled down my friendlist in FB. Wow! There are so many friends I have. It makes me think.. Are they my 'friend'? or Am I their 'friend'? It's hard to answer..It's hard to define the word 'friend'. Sometimes, the word 'friend' make me happy, laugh, cry, sad, worry, depressed. It is a mix of feelings.

When I befriend with someone, I really friend with them. It makes want to care about them, want to share foods with them, want to help them, want to know their sadness and happiness and want to ease them in many ways as long as I could.  I know I am that kind of person. In my friendship, I hardly say word 'NO'!

I cannot say "No, I can't" when a friend ask for my help.

I cannot say "No, I don't want to go" when a friend ask to go with them.

I cannot say "No, I don't know" when a friend ask something they don't know.

Instead, I will say "Hmm, tell me how can I help you? I might be a little help" when a friend ask for my help.

I will say "Yes, let's go to there" when a friend ask to go with them to somewhere or or "It's OK. Let me bring you there" when actually I do not want to go, or I think that friend is in problem and to shy to ask for my help.

I will say "Oh, let me try google it up" when the friend ask something they don't know. Sometimes, I don't know too, but my enthusiasms of friendships drove me to find the answer for them. I simply cannot say no.

THAT is ME! when it comes to a friendship.

I know I am not perfect to be a friend of yours. I am trying my best every single minutes to be your best or just a good friend. 

I know I have no money to give you to be your friend. I just have love and passion to be shared with someone called friend. I like to share my foods with you, I like to cook you some meals, I like to celebrate your birthday eventhough it is only a piece of cake because I hv no money that time..sorry friend..I like to prepare u birthday card with my own hands, I like to ask about your child because I am happy for you, I'm willing to spend my nights at your home when ur hubby is outstation because I don't want you to feel lonely. Sometimes, eventhough you asked me to do something that is so simple, I just do it becoz I think you maybe not have time. I take it easy even I know u r badmouthing about me. I take it easy when you shout at me, yelled at me, letting out your depression to me. I m the one who worried the most when u fall sick suddenly. I killed my sleeping time to wait for your arrival from hometown at 1, 2, 3 a.m. in the morning (u know I sleep before 12). But I don't mind it all. Because I valued our friendship more than anything else. All those hardships could be easy things to me..

I cannot name who are my friends because they are too many. But I can name the 'true friends' because they are a few. But, just let me write their names in my heart. It is too priceless to let many people know.

I am sorry if anyone of my friends get touched if you read this. I just want to express out my feelings tonight. I m sorry if I hurt you friends~